Understanding the Stages of Break up grief
The focus of this chapter is about to understand the emotions after a break-up.
First few weeks after break up is the hardest moment to get over. We all know that the ‘break up philosophy’ that time heals all pains. But what we need for the now is first aid for our heart ache. In the healing process, we must understand the emotions that we will be gone through.
According to book “On Death and Dying” written by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. She mentioned that through 5 stages of grief. Read more:
I found her theories apply to many things and scenarios including lost of something valuable such as relationship. To remain calm and thinking rationally is almost impossible for first few early stages. You will find yourself going through many kind of emotions, for example hurt, sad, anxious, deny, anger, panic, confuse, depress, hatred even seeking revenge. Believe it or not, this is perfectly normal. Again, you are not alone, try to speak to family members or friends to share you feeling is the key to release stress and sorrow.
Some people tends hide or ignore the emotion within them. This is a very dangerous and unhealthy for them. Always remember emotions are valid, its is there for a reason. Emotion can be our guru or our enemy depends how we deal and define them. It is like a mirror that reflexes experiences and interactions that were joy, sadness or pain. For the first few days of break up, if feel want to cry, sing, shout that make you better to release your pain just do it. The only condition is not to hurt anyone including yourself. DO NOT take drugs or doing something you might regret for the rest of your life. We all understood the crisis very well and we are trying our best effort to help each other here.
First, always remember that you cannot escape or ignore these stages of grief. Thus, any judgments, decisions or actions you made were driven by instinct. The consequences of emotionally decision making or actions always cause the broken relationship getting worst. So, be patience until you reach the acceptance stage to make rational decision and actions.
Always remember do not let your ego overrule your good heart. You might seeking revenge or do self-destructive action unintentionally. This will do any good for our recovery plan. You might be release your anger at that moment but you make a bad move.
I do not believe those gurus that guarantee you get back your within 24 hours. This does not make proper understanding of you and your ex, we try our best to build a solid relationship after this crisis. Always remember that, even if your ex made the decision to end the relationship earlier. DO NOT make any deal out of depression, in order to get back with them. This might bring miserable to your relationship future.
You might have a desire for revenge or intent to do some ‘self-destroyed action’ in order for your to draw attention to you. This is definitely not wise and do not ever let your ego taken over your heart. No matter what you gone thought at all these stages do not let your ex know how miserable you gone through by now. We are not at the weaker position at this moment.
In my opinion, by learning to handle your emotions and let go your negative thinking is key of success for you to move on new chapter of relationship. Even though we passed through 6 stages of grief, sometime some incidents or objects will trigger our pains. Do not fear to confront/hide your feelings, just accept the feeling and find the same way that help you cope with earlier process.
Learn to forgive someone who hurt you is the hard. However, we cannot move on to our new chapter of life if you still holding on your any negative emotions. To hate someone you love is heavy burden. Hate is the cause of all evils and the main reason you could not find your happiness again.
Quick summary of this chapter
- Emotions are valid, do not ignore your feelings
- There are 5 different stages of emotions that we need to pass through after a break up
- Making decisions and actions emotionally might cause the relationship to become worst
- Handling emotion well is the key success to save the broken relationship or any future relationship
- Dealing with Grief needs self discovery and self healing.
- Get back with your ex needs a careful plan.